Friendship
My Friend Colin
Colin was my friend in high school.
He lived on a farm close by. We rode the bus together, got in trouble at times together on that long boring bus ride and convinced our parents at the same time, we just needed to have motorcycles. I got an 80 cc Suzuki and he a 90 cc Honda. We then conquered the world at the foot of Gordon Mountain.
One night when Colin was driving home, he was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly. Last summer, I went to the Cemetery and stood at his headstone and remembered my friend and what we had together.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9 & 10 comes to mind as I ponder what it means to be a better friend.
“Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up”.
Colin was a special friend at a time when I needed one. Even now decades later I can think of five qualities I learned from my friendship with Colin.
Each of us could be authentic
We knew that the other could be counted on to do what he said he would do. What I saw and knew of Colin was who he was, He felt the same about me.
Today, I hear from younger leaders that this is what they are most looking for in others and so hard to find. They think they know the real person and then they find what they thought is not the real person.
Some call it integrity; I call it authenticity.
Being a better friend means I am authentic.We did not compete against each other
We shared each other’s successes and celebrated them. I remember when his parents upgraded his bike. He called me and said, “Bruce, I just got a 175 cc Yamaha”. Though he could leave me and my 80 Suzuki in his dust, I was so proud and glad for him. Did I want one too? You bet, though it was never envy or jealousy.
Being a better friend means no competing.Deep honesty
We shared and processed our mistakes, however, also our successes. We could tell each other the truth, even when it was uncomfortable. Much has been written on what happens when we talk and process our stress. The brain’s alarm system quiets, our thinking and reasoning abilities strengthens, stress hormones decrease and we gain greater clarity, perspective and resilience.
I like what Simon Sinek says, “Being willing to sit in the mud with them”.
Being a better friend means I will sit in the mud with him/her and not try and fix them.Be a generous listener
We wanted the best for each other and our friendship was not transactional. Generosity also means that our conversations are not one way. We play communicative ball with each other. I recall a conversation I recently had with someone, and it was all about them. Never once, did they ask me about what was going on in my world. I left drained.
Being a better friend means being a life-giver where both practices listening to each other.Trust
I could be myself without fear of judgment or betrayal.
Being a better friend means we both value listening, keeping confidences and doing what we say we will do. I can be trusted.
I have written and spoken on moving from productivity to fruitfulness. It is our mission as we age. Jesus encourages and challenges us to resist defining ourselves by what we do. To be fruitful. I believe one way to do this is being a better friend.
Over to you. What are your five qualities to be a better friend? Tangible traits to move from productivity to fruitfulness.
Jesus can be trusted for these five qualities in being my Friend. Am I the same to Him?
~Bruce
